Death comes in many guises, and where it is sudden or unexpected the bereaved partner may have to cope with many personal emotions, the grief of other family members and the sense that much has been left unsaid. For young and old alike, the death of a partner is the confirmation of mortality.
When a partner dies, whether they are young or old, the hopes, dreams and plans for the couple’s future are brought to an end. In this chapter I hope to explore the diversity of grief for bereaved partners. It may difficult for the husband whose wife died of terminal illness to talk about his sense of relief, or the partner in a new relationship to feel acknowledged as an important part of the deceased person’s life. Our assumptions and interpretations may cause the remaining partner to feel unable to share their grief and innermost feelings and become isolated. Many bereaved partners have told me that they feel that assumptions have been made about their relationship by those on the periphery and other people’s perspective on their relationship can appear judgmental or devaluing. We assume that we know a great deal about the lives of family and friends because we may have known them intimately for many years, but sometimes we can find ourselves shocked by revelations about the private lives of people who we thought we knew well. We all hide our true feelings beneath a shell, only showing people the parts of us that we wish them to see, but it is only to our chosen partner do we reveal the real person beneath the façade, and the whole truth about our relationship is only known to the two of us. The relationship between two people is unique and the death of a person within that relationship and the feelings experienced by the remaining partner are as individual as the relationship itself.
When A Partner or Spouse Dies Living With Bereavement Alex James
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